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Joke of the Day

"I read that 1 in 5 women suffer from mental illness so I guess that means the other 4 must enjoy it."

"I was only young when I learned to count. It was odd at first, even then."

"Aliens are in space right now watching all these movies where Tom Cruise defeats them, and they are laughing so hard one just peed a little."

"My girlfriend was masturbating with a carrot in the back seat of my car I shouted, ""Fuck! Seriously? I was going to eat that later, and now it's just going to taste like carrots!"""

"What was the first think Queen Elizabeth did on ascending to the throne ? Sat down !"

"Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight? A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!"

"What do you get when you cross a ring-tailed lemur with a U-Haul truck? I'm not sure, but I know ***IT LIKES TO MOVE IT, MOVE IT***"

"Why do melons have traditional marriages? Because they cantaloupe"

"How many militant feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick."

"Do you know how many planets are in the solar system? 7, after I destroy Uranus."