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Joke of the Day

"What is an aliens favorite keyboard key The space key"

"I don't play guitar, but I sure would pluck your G-string."

"How do you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake! Edit: Holy shit I didn't even realize it was my cake day. Woah"

"So, when does this adulthood thing start then?"

"Not everyone understands my laundry method. It's simple. If it's clean, it's on the floor. If it's dirty, it's on the floor over there."

"What's the difference between training wheels and training bras? I need two hands to remove training wheels."

"Some Warning Labels are a little retarded, like on my Deodorant it says, ""Avoid Contact with Eyes""....TOO LATE, I've already seen it!!!"

"People always give bridge builders a hard time... They're just trying to make ends meet."

"I'm not afraid of someone who threatens to open up a can of whoopass on me... I'm much more afraid of the people who can the whoopass to begin with."

"My wife's favourite drink is wine. Which coincidentally, is also her favourite hobby."