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Joke of the Day

"In lieu of the recent manhunt... The LAPD's motto is ""to protect and serve."" I think they ought to change it to ""We'll treat you like a King."""

"The company that makes the Opera browser have asked Sir Patrick Stewart to redesign their logo They want him to make its O."

"Why aren't there any black magicians? Because magic is stupid."

"*swivels around in evil chair* *evil laugh* *pets evil cat* *evil cat laughs* *jumps out of evil chair* ""Holy shit, that cat just laughed!"""

"COP: do you know why I pulled you over? ME: *furiously trying to swallow a mouthful of mattress tag stickers* no"

"I finally found an onramp for the road to success!!!! It was closed for construction."

"What's the difference between Leonardo Dicaprio and Sesame Street? Sesame Street has an Oscar."

"When people are trending on twitter, I know that they died or said something racist."

"What did the horse say when he fell down? I've fallen and I can't giddyup."

"""Houston we ... are fine."" Female astronaut probably"