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Joke of the Day

"Why do blondes have bruises around their belly buttons? Because blonde guys are stupid too."

"I assume the Burning Bush was the Bible's first recorded STD."

"What's the difference between a guitarist and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four"

"Breaking up with Japanese Girl Was Hard... I recently had to break up with my girlfriend who was Japanese and it was hard, I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message."

"I literally got fired from a job for not knowing what to do with my hands when I talk. I guess sign language interpreting just wasn't for me"

"woman on death row Warden: ""What would you like for your last meal?"" Woman: ""I don't know, what do you want?"""

"What do you call oral sex with a paraplegic girl? Meals on wheels."

"I have controversial opinions and I don't give a shit what anyone thinks! (Refreshes eight times to see faves and retweets)"

"*guy getting eaten by a shark* Guy: I just wanted to say I'm Vegan. Shark, spitting him out: Wtf man. I had you in my mouth & everything."

"Why did all the guys like the bus driver? She was busty."