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Joke of the Day

"What's the height of conceit? Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. "

"Yo mommas so ugly... Scorpion says ""STAY OVER THERE"""

"To my followers in Florida in the path of the hurricane: Remember to keep your phone charged. These tweets don't ""like"" themselves."

"Corduroy pillows.... Corduroy pillows are making headlines!"

"Language is cool because it's just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos."

"[On the phone with the police for the 7th time in 2 weeks] ""Sir, again, we cannot arrest your cat"""

"Anyone can overcome adversity. But it takes real strength to complain and then give up."

"Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful provided you get between the right man and the right woman."

"German girlfriend My german girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10. Last night we tried anal. She kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done."

"Tell 'em how it 'tis, not how it 'twas: Edition 1. It used to be the joke was ""If ya lick 'er, it's quicker"" Now it's: if ya drug 'er, ya fug 'er."