162928

Joke of the Day

"To my followers in Florida in the path of the hurricane: Remember to keep your phone charged. These tweets don't ""like"" themselves."

"You know how you keep an asshole in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!"

"All the adults who used to tell me ""When you're older you'll understand"" - I appreciate your optimism but have some bad news"

"Why was the broom late? Because it overswept."

"Going to the gym is such a great workout. I never actually enter the building, but the walk there is nice. Sometimes I even walk back."

"Sex and oxygen are a lot a like It's really not that big of a deal unless you're not getting any."

"What do you call trees that grow in Tobago? Tobogany."

"Why do Jews watch porn in reverse... Their favorite part is when the girl gives the money back...."

"What's it called when a blonde dyes her hair brunette? Artificial Intelligence."

"Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back. Will: Pity it's not on her head."