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Joke of the Day

"What did the lieutenant vulture say to the enlisted vultures who stopped eating a dead cow to salute? Carrion."

"Kim Jong il is dead? I guess that's the end of HIS Korea."

"What do you call a man in a tree with a briefcase? A branch manager."

"What state makes exclusively swiss cheese? Swisconsin."

"My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60... Now hes 97 years old and we have no idea where he is..."

"me: can I buy you a drink? girl: sorry [holds up martini] already got one me: [spits in it] How about now?"

"RIP boiling water You will be mist"

"Well if you cant buy babys at Babys R Us what in the world do they sell?"

"Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it's lettuce."

"What's worst than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm!"