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Joke of the Day

"I just found the worst page in the entire dictionary... What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous ..."

"All these years and the ""insert thumb and lift"" tab on macaroni and cheese boxes is still lying to us."

"So I've narrowed it down and I'm either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap."

"Dear everyone reading this tweet, What's the future like?"

"My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti: You should've seen the look on her face as i drove pasta!"

"How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it's a hardware problem"

"What was early man's best friend? Primates"

"Q: Why do cows moo? A: Because their horns don't work."

"If dumping the last of your chips into the dip and eating it like cereal is wrong then I don't wanna be right."

"What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt? If it's a good day lipstick"