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Joke of the Day

"me: can I buy you a drink? girl: sorry [holds up martini] already got one me: [spits in it] How about now?"

"If it looks like a duck & shrieks like a drunken banshee it's probably a white woman getting her picture taken in the club."

"I like my women like I like my coffee. Quiet and in a cup."

"Why is there no such thing as an epileptic exhibitionist? Because flashing gives them seizures."

"What's the objective of Jewish football? To get the quarterback."

"[Hostage situation] Um I don't want to be ""that hostage"", but I just want to let you know I have a gluten allergy."

"A grasshopper walks into a bar . . . A grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender: Ya know, we have a drink named after you! Grasshopper: You have a drink named Steve?"

"My barber is a specialist in road map shaves. How come? When he's finished your face is full of short cuts."

"I've had enough of my wife. Thought the bloated cannibal."

"Ladies, don't date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad."