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Joke of the Day

"(NSFW) Guy walks into his house with a duck under his arm... He walks up to his wife and says, ""This is the pig I've been fucking!"" Wife: ""That's a duck."" Guy: ""I was talking to the duck!"""

"I eat pudding with a fork, so no, crossword puzzles aren't really my 'thing'."

"please spread kale over my dumb organic gluten free casket"

"Benjamin Button Started off dead Violets are blue Roses are red"

"My mom (seriously) asked if my friend's brother ""still had down syndrome."" No mother, he walked it off."

"There are two kinds of countries in this world. Those who use the metric system. And those who have landed a man on the moon."

"I once paid to see a man eating chicken one hour and three buckets of KFC later i realized what i paid for."

"Went to the zoo and the only animal there was a good looking dog... It was a pretty shih tzu"

"Don't ever let anybody outshine you in life. If that means arriving at someone's funeral in a casket, then so be it."

"I've read Plumbing for idiots' twice and I still haven't got a clue what I'm doing. I guess it's going to take another few reads before this sinks in."