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Joke of the Day

"I phoned my work this morning and said, ""Sorry boss, I can't come in today, I have a wee cough."" He said, ""You have a wee cough?"" I said, ""Really? Cheers boss, see you next week!"""

"What's the difference between a 1950s mental asylum and my fridge? One's filled with fruits and vegetables, the other's my fridge."

"A guy is talking with his friend Edward... ...and asks him: -What do dead and black people have in common? -Well, I don't know. -They both get a rest, Ed."

"What car does Jesus drive? A Chrysler"

"Who gets more pleasure from sex? - Well, thinking logically, it must be a woman. - Why? - If you want to scratch your ear, what part of your body gets more pleasure? Finger or ear?"

"What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house ? The Lizard of Oz !"

"A skeleton walks into a bar and says ""I'll have a drink and a mop"""

"What's Darth Vader's corrupt brother's name? Taxi Vader"

"What did the farmer say to Pat Sajak? I'd like to buy an owl"

"Liver Doctor: You are in trouble, your liver is enlarged Patient: Does that mean I have more space for whisky now?"