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Joke of the Day

"This is how bad immigration is getting. I walked into my local corner shop wondering if I could pay by my card and all I said was ""Visa?"" The fucking twat ran off!"

"BREAKING: California becomes first state to ban plastic bags. People who love picking up dog shit with their bare hands rejoice."

"""Well I'll be damned."" said atheist when rapture happened."

"The new film coming out about a kid with cerebral palsy isn't doing well with critics . . . . . It gets off to a shaky start then ends up falling flat on it's face"

"If you're reading this.. then you are not Floyd Mayweather."

"It's OK to go number 1 in the shower... ...unless you count like a computer programmer."

"Never hide regular cocaine in your butt Charges will get elevated to possession of crack cocaine"

"How many dancers does it take to change a lightbulb? 5,6,7,8"

"whats brown and... What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's brown and runny? Usain Bolt."

"Why did the programmer get a job at the photographers? They needed a developer."