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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? Pizzas dont scream when you put them in the oven..."

"Some people ask me why I never hold a grudge. I've always hated those people."

"My girlfriend has twelve breasts. It seems kind of freaky, dozen-tit?"

"Shark Who Attacked Surfer: ""I Was Just Trying To Impress My Girlfriend"""

"If I'm ever in an accident while driving and tweeting and you're the first person to arrive on the scene, grab my phone and press ""Send."""

"The officer said, ""you drinking?"" I said, ""you buying?"" We just laughed and laughed. I need bail money."

"The key to Simon & Garfunkel's success was that one was big and one was small. Before, duos were always the same size. They changed the game"

"Weddings and funerals are the same because I love going but I don't want them to be about me."

"This guys car is stopped in the middle of the hwy with his flashers on. Probably thought of a really good tweet."

"Resistance training But me dragging my kids into school."