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Joke of the Day

"Resistance training But me dragging my kids into school."

"[job interview] HR: Says here you're very good at multi-tasking *me taking a selfie & spinning in chair HR: *whispering ""wow he's good"""

"I'm Hungary I'm Russian to the kitchen to czech the fridge There is turkey But it's covered in Greece There's Norway I can eat that. Edit:spelling"

"Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces... For example, I'm going to the liquor store and I'm scared that it may be closed..."

"Raise your right hand if you were home schooled. No, your other right hand."

"I have a Muslim friend with a Note 7... It only gets awkward when he shouts ""Allahu Akbar"" when plugging it in."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call it. It's not gonna come. (Probably been posted before, but oh well I'm new and I apologize)"

"In light of recent events... Killing 50 people isn't hard when they're all in the closet."

"Infants don't have nearly as much fun in infancy as adults have in adultery."

"Last summer I planned to elope with my Cherokee fiance but she had her reservations."