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Joke of the Day

"With the announcement of Pence as Trump's running mate, it reminds me of a man running. With a dick out in front, and an asshole behind him."

"It's weird how all the UFOs started disappearing once our cameras got better."

"We've all heard of Whistler's Mother.... But what about Whistler's Father? I guess you could say that he's out of the picture."

"Shadow dancers begin making a mock hanging motion to Katy Perry's singing"

"A man walks into a bar It hurt"

"If i could have dinner with anyone alive or dead i would probably just cancel on them at the last minute"

"It's truly amazing what Abraham Lincoln accomplished while wearing such a big stupid hat."

"Be yourself. Except you, cauliflower, you have to pretend to be other food."

"I don't want to just eat Olive Garden. I want to eat OLIVE it."

"What does a man eat when he cannot run off with his girlfriend? Cantaloupe"