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Joke of the Day

"It's truly amazing what Abraham Lincoln accomplished while wearing such a big stupid hat."

"If you say the words 'beer can' in a British accent, it sounds like you're saying 'bacon' in a Jamaican accent."

"Russian Porn Doesn't it get you soviet?"

"My wife told me I don't have to wear a condom anymore.. Now I only have to wear one when we're having sex"

"if ur date declines a kiss at the end of the night open ur mouth and let the ants escape. Then say ""it's ok I had a mouthful of ants anyway"""

"Marry had a Little Lamb... Marry had a little lamb, Little lamb, Little lamb. Marry had a little lamb... The Doctor was surprised."

"Did you know 80% of chinese have cataracts? The other 20% drive Rincolns."

"Just learned the Finnish have a word ""Kalsarikannit"" which means getting drunk alone at home in underwear. Signing immigration forms now."

"I blew a speaker in my car today yea, he was motivational speaker, it left a bad taste in my mouth but I've been feeling a lot more positive ever since."

"Life without internet is like a house without a bathroom... What are you supposed to do? Go outside n' shit?"