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Joke of the Day

"I'm with you, Hungry Hungry Hippos. I don't find small plastic balls very filling, either. I can't believe this what you guys eat in Africa!"

"sometimes when i feel stupid, i look at the comments on the Walmart facebook page and feel better."

"What I was supposed to teach my kid before kindergarten: 1) phonics 2) writing 3) math What I actually taught her: 1) the dance to Thriller"

"I was gonna make a joke about sluts... ...but it would just be whoreable."

"I haven't been ignoring you; I've been prioritizing you."

"I'm at my quickest when I try to follow someone out of the bathroom so I don't have to touch the handle."

"*shipwrecked diary* Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab Day 2: crab seems untrustworthy Day 3: CRA B LEAR N ING TO WRI TE"

"I've limited my friends to 3 people that know how to split a dinner bill w/o causing a fiasco and life has been awesome since."

"The U.K. Summarized in two sentences. ""No Scotland, you cannot leave the UK."" ""Hey Scotland, let's leave the EU."""

"The creator of the Hokey Kokey died last week... The funeral was a nightmare... when putting him in the coffin, they put his left leg in... And that's when the trouble started."