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Joke of the Day

"I've limited my friends to 3 people that know how to split a dinner bill w/o causing a fiasco and life has been awesome since."

"A woman is a lot like an oven You gotta warm her up first but then you can put your meat inside."

"What do you call a robber who looks like David Beckham? Bandit like Beckham"

"-hey don't shoot me, i'm just the messenger! -oh the letter says to shoot me? okay th-"

"Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend."

"Mom wants to meet her Son's Girlfriend Mom :- Son, I would like to meet your Girlfriend. Son:- Me Too.... (Being Single)"

"I asked my adopted son the name of the workshop the DCF found him in. Build a bear"

"Look. If we're going with redundancies like ""tunafish"", I'll just have my beefmeat and be done with it."

"Why do the Amazons like Sundays? Because there's no mail. (Male)"

"What do you call a midget in a hospital waiting room constantly complaining about how long he's been waiting? Imp-Patient!"