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Joke of the Day

"Sir this bag is too heavy, you'll have to pay an extra $25 to check it. Sure thing *dumps 2500 pennies from bag onto counter*"

Next Joke
 
"Three people I never mess with:n1- PMSing women.n2- Truck drivers.n3- PMSing truck drivers."
"Is there a hole in your shoe? No?! Then how'd you get your foot in it?!"
"Wife: Why are you so out of breath? You drove here. Me: Yeah but I was listening to Slayer in the car."
"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking there is two of me One at a time please"
"When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shit."
"Why can't you tell secrets in a corn field? ...because there are too many ears."
"Psychologist: Go to your happy place. Me: *grabs car keys* Psychologist: Where are you going? Me: The liquor store."
"When Michael Jackson's son was born, he asked the doctor, ""How soon can we have sex?"" The doctor replied, ""At least wait till he's 13."""
"He died doing what he loved...failing to read my mind."