181280

Joke of the Day

"Wife: Why are you so out of breath? You drove here. Me: Yeah but I was listening to Slayer in the car."

"HOW DO I CONVINCE EVERYONE THAT I'M NOT UPSET SOMEONE STOLE MY CAPS LOCK KEY?"

"Did you know 50% of Asians in America have cataracts? The other half drive Lincolns"

"I absolutely despise double-standards... Except when it's me, then it's okay."

"What do ISIS and anime fans have in common? They both get hot and bothered over cartoons."

"You know why no one ever flunks out of Porn School? Everyone has to take a ""D"" on the final exam."

"When's the best time to see an optometrist? When you can't."

"If you are what you eat... If you are what you eat your a dick. HA GOTEEM"

"Do you have a turn down? Turn down for what?"

"Yesterday I tried to loosen a rusty lug nut... But it didn't turn out."