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Joke of the Day

"A long time ago, I thought of a soda joke. I'd share it with you, but I'm afraid I think it'd fall flat."

"I bet a lesbian geneticist would do a lot of lab work for a clone dike bar."

"Why did the little refrigerator salute the big refrigerator? Because he was General Electric."

"how do I keep my skin looking so young? it's all thanks to [turns to camera smiling] an ancient curse [locusts pour from my mouth & eyes]"

"In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris."

"The Doctor said I should stop with all this phone sex. He said I might get hearing aids."

"I just broke up with a hoarder... I'm the only thing she could get rid of"

"Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a Porsche? A. With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside."

"Whenever someone is about to tell me about their day, I just cover my ears and yell ""SPOILER ALERT!"""

"Life would be more fun if every time we sneezed we lifted off the ground a few feet and came back down in slow motion"