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Joke of the Day

"A long time ago, I thought of a soda joke. I'd share it with you, but I'm afraid I think it'd fall flat."

"Go to a fancy restaurant. Order the lobster. Order it alive. When it comes, order food for your new pet lobster. Then take lobster home."

"My gf said all I do is sit on the couch in my underwear all day but that's bullshit, I've never been able to fit my underwear onto my couch."

"Do you know the meaning ""Happy wife, happy life""? I tend to go with ""Happy wife, extended life."""

"Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit? It was an inn-grown hare!"

"You may think I'm a loser, but to my goldfish I am ""THE GOD OF FLAKES."""

"I took the shell off my racing snail to speed it up. If anything it made it more sluggish."

"*rides in on giant turtle* Me:Sorry I'm late. Boss:You rode that to work? Me:No, went to the zoo. *phone rings* Me:That'll be the zoo."

"What does a sheep, a drum, and a snake all say when falling off of a cliff? Baa-Dum-Sss"

"Shouting ""put your hands in the air like you just don't care!"" is a fun way to bring a party atmosphere to a bank robbery."