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Joke of the Day

"how do I keep my skin looking so young? it's all thanks to [turns to camera smiling] an ancient curse [locusts pour from my mouth & eyes]"

"What did the casket say to the sick casket? Are you coffin?"

"My wife slapped me when I told her I'm buying her a puppy for Christmas. I thought she'd be excited to hear that she's getting a little husky..."

"GB: Brexit was the dumbest thing in the last years! USA: hold my drink!"

"Schizophrenia I`m in two minds about it"

"911: what's your emergency? me: I taught my Dad how to text 911: the problem ma'am? me: he CALLS to say ""yeah, got ur text"""

"""Why is it that whenever there's two women in a profile pic the hot one is always someone else..?"""

"They say imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, but it really feels like the most sincere form of assholery."

"Want to hear the shortest joke in the world? Midget shortage."

"Having survived numerous mysterious strangers attempting to kill him as a child, Hitler swore revenge on a cruel world."