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Joke of the Day

"Which kid? Wife: Honey, i think you don't love our kids equally. It seems you have one that gets less love from you. Husband: Really? Which kid do you mean? Karl, Tina or the fat one"

"[in Walmart] ""Excuse me, do you have towels?"" ""Oh, I don't work here."" [leans in close] ""I don't give a shit where you work."""

"Save some A's for the rest of the animal kingdom, aardvarks."

"I think metals are my favorite type of element The other ones just seem so lackluster."

"*slaps the cup out of the barista's hand* ""No. I want Asriel, the guy with the man-bun, to make my latte. He has a better energy"""

"So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem ... Comes out of nowhere!"

"A priest and a rabbi see a 9-year-old boy walk by The priest says ""Should we fuck him?"" ""Out of what?"" the Rabbi replies"

"WIFE: Hey why are all our potatoes dressed in tiny outfits and arranged in a little scene? ME: [hiding Photato Album] Why? Do you like it?"

"I want to go back in time... And change the way the letter 'eight' is pronounced to sodomized. Then in the future ask people why was nine afraid of seven?"

"What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant."