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Joke of the Day

"What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant."

"Why are yachts and ships so scary? Because they're for boating."

"My daughter wrote, ""I will see you every day of our lives,"" on my Mother's Day card, so I guess we've resorted to threats now."

"Star Wars Episode VII is like a used car lot. (spoilers) It's where you can see an old Hyundai"

"Why didn't the math professor with a speech impediment get any work done? He was always mathturbating."

"What is the quickest way to get Trump out of The White House?? Put Monica Lewinsky in there. She's not the hero we deserve, but she'd be da real MVP we need right now."

"Why don't old ladies receive orals sex? Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?"

"Why is there no Windows 9? Because 7 8 9"

"Moth balls Q: What do you have if you have a mothball in one hand, and a mothball in the other hand? A: A really big moth!"

"I'm a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job."