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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I have never payed for a garbanzo bean on my face."

"My rear view mirror broke off. No biggie, I'll just put one of my contact lenses in backwards."

"""AAAAHH EARTHQUAKE! Oh good, now it is snowing"" - If I lived in a snow globe."

"Just bought a Jehovah Witness Advent calendar... Every time you open a door, a voice tells you to fuck off."

"Meant to tell my daughter ""Good night, I love you,"" but it came out as ""Thank god you go back to school on Tuesday because this is bullshit"""

"My friend crashed his plane recently his life has been heading in a downward spiral."

"""Fraud"" Our teacher put an ugly dried up amphibian specimen on the lab table and asked: So. Is it a FROG or a TOAD? Murph: It is a ""FRAUD""."

"There were three holes in the ground. Well, well, well."

"Pooped without my phone this morning, just like Gandhi."

"I bet there would be a lot more wars if there weren't boobs. I haven't seen a boob in 2 days and I'm ready to kill someone."