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Joke of the Day

"My revenge for being designated driver is putting my car seat warmers on high and convincing my drunk friends that they pee'd in their pants"

"A dyslexic man robs a bank.... He then reads aloud ""Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up!!!"""

"I think I'm allergic to mornings."

"Best way to get picked up at a gym is fall off a machine."

"What happens when a T-rex gets strep? His throat becomes saurus."

"What do you call that feeling when the bus finally arrives? a peasantfeeling"

"Never marry a tennis player... Love means nothing to them."

"Just came into a HUGH sum of money... I'm an ant and its a penny."

"Gary Johnson withdraws from the Libertarian Ticket. Replaced by Harambe. That's right. Johnsons out for Harambe!"

"Nice try, private caller. I don't answer the phone if I know you either."