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Joke of the Day

"My friend crashed his plane recently his life has been heading in a downward spiral."

"What do you call a 5 year old with no friends? A sandyhook survivor. ...."

"Fun Fact: Over 23.6% of relationships fail because one of the partners doesn't like The Princess Bride."

"Whenever somebody asks me what my hobby is, there is a long uncomfortable pause and then I back away until I can't see them anymore."

"I haven't seen a Brazilian as bad as Fred since Stevie Wonder shaved his wife's pussy."

"How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate its tits a lot"

"Why are they rioting in Ferguson? Because they carefully and objectively reviewed the evidence from the trial and thought a legitimate injustice had been done."

"I applied to Hogwarts the a few weeks back. Unfortunately, I didn't get accepted. Figured I could just Slytherin."

"I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what's telling me that."

"People who tweet in riddles need to know I'm not Batman."