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Joke of the Day
"How can you tell someone's a navy seal? they'll tell you in their novel."
Next Joke
"It's been 50 years since The Jetsons showed us a wacky science-fiction world where you could afford two kids and a house with just one job."
"DO NOT expect a ""Bless You"" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that shit under control."
"If you ask your hair dresser for the Zooey Deschanel... You're really just getting more bang for your buck."
"My daughter just asked for a Samsung Galaxy phone. Had to sit her down and explain to her we aren't poor. #iPhone"
"I threw a party for all my non-orgasmic friends Nobody came."
"What's the difference between a Mexican and a park Bench? The bench can support a family."
"What do you call cute seeds? Awwwwwwwwwwwwmonds P.S. it's my birthday please love me"
"I'm a simple man *bites a pinecone* I enjoy simple things *tosses a gun into a lake* that's why I decided to let these bees live in my skull"
"Can you imagine life without women? It would be a pain in the ass."