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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: So when did you decide you wanted to be a sumo wrestler? Me: When someone tried to get me onto the dancefloor at a wedding."

"I don't know if this american election is an actually presidential election or an iq test These damn american's are sure failing the IQ test"

"How do you get the GOP to support universal healthcare? Make it for *White* people only."

"Why do gay pirates always fight each other? They are always trying to get to the others booty"

"My wife and I switched positions to make our night more exciting last night... so she sat on the couch and I washed dishes."

"I've come from the future to let you know the Chilean miners will be OK, and that we haven't yet perfected time travel."

"9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape."

"How to you make an octopus laugh? ...you give it ten tickles"

"If you're not cheating on me, then why won't you let me install surveillance cameras in your house."

"*therapist writes in pad* Me: Sometimes I feel like people don't notice me- *therapist jumps* Therapist: SHIT! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?"