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Joke of the Day

"Why shouldn't you give a meth addict laxatives? because it's already hard enough for them to keep their shit together."

"Ever read Helen Keller's book? No? Neither did she."

"How many Mexicans does it take to replace a serviceable part of a complex machine? Just Juan and Emmanuel."

"About to start a new job as a pizza delivery driver, any tips?"

"What does a ticket to the 50 Cent concert featuring Nickleback cost? $300 if you ask Ticketmaster"

"Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I'm like, that's so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I'm more fun than I actually am"

"What's baked every day and sells itself? My sister."

"Mike Tyson's biggest problem was he never had a strong male role model growing up. Mike's dad walked out on the family very early on, after Mike raped him."

"God I hate kids. And people. And animals. And sardines. And stuff that's alive. And stuff that's dead. I hate stuff. I like cheese."

"My friend ""Jesus wasn't that special""... After he said that I say ""but he made thousands of people bread"" He turns back to me and says ""so what, hitler made 6 million Jews toast"""