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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell if your wife left you? You get laid the same amount of times but the dishes start to pile up. Hey now!"

"When I see guys with skinny jeans and skin tight T's on I pretend they are actual giants who woke up tiny and just had nothing else to wear."

"The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren't me."

"A man goes to a $3 hooker He contracted crabs. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, ""What do you expect for $3, a lobster?"""

"A man worked at an orange juice factory, but he was canned because he couldn't concentrate."

"Some idiot asked me what the 27th letter of the Arabic alphabet is... And all I could say was, ""Wow""."

"Why couldn't the two melons get married? They can't elope."

"Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?"

"""Hustle back on defense you lazy bastard!"" screamed the 300 lb guy at the TV in this sports bar eating onion rings at 10:30 AM."

"A barber was arrested yesterday in my area for selling drugs. I've been his customer for years. Didn't even know he was a barber..."