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Joke of the Day

"George Bush was trying out BDSM with his wife. George: Punish me baby, I've been a bad boy. Laura: Hmmm...what did you do honey? George: 9/11"

"If a pregnant friend tells you what the kid's name will be just whisper ""AND THE DARK LORD'S PROPHECY WILL BE FULFILLED."" They love that."

"Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces... For example, I'm going to the liquor store and I'm scared that it may be closed..."

"You know your girlfriend is too young when... ... you still have to make the airplane noise to get your cock in her mouth."

"What's the worst part about being black and Jewish? You have to sit in the back of the oven."

"A good old Dubya joke Why does Larua always have to be on top when she and Dubya have sex? Becuase all he can do is fuck up."

"My nephew is in the 'why' phase of his life as a 6 year old... and I told him 'Because it feels nice and you're an unreliable witness!'"

"What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator."

"Twitter is like a conversation at the water cooler. If the water cooler was full of vodka. And you could smoke. And the boss was out of town"

"[shines flashlight under chin] In my day, kids ate gluten and rode bikes without helmets and OPEN LETTERS DIDN'T EXIST [children scream]"