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Joke of the Day

"I saw a beaver movie last night. And it was the best dam movie I'd ever seen."

"Got a HJ (""handjob"") from a FRUIT! [NSFW if you can't have handjob jokes @ W] He gave apple and made me kumquats!"

"You know what's a big ripoff? Velcro"

"You know it's cold outside when you go outside and trip over dog poop instead of stepping in it."

"What a weird thing that a Presidential candidate is like ""I tried to stab my friend"" & his opponents are like ""no you didn't."""

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on me"

"[world series game 1] Wife: where are our seats? Hamlet: 2b... Wife: there are people there Hamlet: or not 2b"

"Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other ""I don't like your friend."" The other one said ""Well put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."""

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Probably one, but I can easily pay two to get the job done together at the same price I'd pay any other repair man."

"What's the difference between Jesus, and a picture of Jesus? It only took 1 nail to hang the picture."