104523

Joke of the Day

"Got a HJ (""handjob"") from a FRUIT! [NSFW if you can't have handjob jokes @ W] He gave apple and made me kumquats!"

"I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, I had to dump her because she kept seeing guys on the side."

"Waiter waiter! There's a spider in my soup. Send for the manager! It's no good sir he's frightened of them too."

"Tourist: Is this 99 Main Street? Resident: No it's 66 but we turn it upside down to confuse people."

"I spent 2 years in rehab for my Phil Collins addiction. I did it against all odds. Just take a look at me now."

"I just hope people who say ""Jesus is my co-pilot"" realize he's a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator."

"Charles Barkley sounds like a made-up name a dog would think of to get into a fancy country club."

"Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always."

"I have a great vocabulary, just ask my um female dad"

"SON: Can horses run in the Olympics? DAD: Wouldn't be fair SON: Why not? DAD: [hand on son's shoulder] Usain Bolt is just too fast, buddy"