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Joke of the Day

"Why does Waldo wear stripes? He doesn't want to be spotted"

"(Dad joke warning) What was the almond tree doing all damn summer long? Nuttin'"

"A guy I know got hit in the head with a can of soda He was lucky it was a soft drink"

"What is a snowman's favorite book ? War and Frozen Peas !"

"Why is the Mississippi so wide? Because Mr. Sippi is hung like a horse."

"How do you become a millionaire overnight? Start off a billionaire then make a bunch of bad investments."

"IAN: I broke my leg once ME: I've never broken a bone, touch wood [touches wood] THE UNIVERSE: THIS MAN WILL NEVER BREAK A BONE"

"Hide a metal rake in your leaf pile to keep the neighborhood kids from messing it up."

"Why don't blind people go skydiving... It scares the hell out of their dogs."

"Did you hear about the award winning scarecrow? He was out standing in his field."