198885

Joke of the Day

"I refuse to worry about wrinkles anymore. Besides, the botox I used on my scrotum burned and just made my balls look surprised all the time."

"Why did princess Diana cross the road? because she wasn't wearing a seat belt"

"God does exist If you're North Korean"

"""Grampa, how did you support gay marriage? Did you march like civil rights ppl?"" ""No. Marching's hard. I tweeted about it."""

"What's the difference between a bag of cocaine & a small child? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window..."

"(Shaq wakes up, steps in front of the green screen in his bedroom, knocks out 20-30 commercials, begins his day.)"

"Why do the Lannisters have such a big bed? They pushed two twins together and made a king."

"My eyesight improves if I strap an address book to my face. I wear contacts."

"Patient: Doctor, Doctor! I've had a terrible accident! Doctor: The restrooms are down the hall on the left."

"The date was going great until she spooked me and then I squirted her with ink and quickly swam away"