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Joke of the Day

"Why was the Jolly Green Giant wrongly accused of being a pedophile? He'd been letting the kids use his dick for a bungee cord."

"What does the cow say while having sex? Nothing... she just mmmooOOOAAAANNnnnsssss..."

"""You are what you eat"" I chant furiously, shoving another roach in my mouth. Mushroom clouds keep growing in the distance"

"What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me man... We'll go places. Peace. Hmath out."

"Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away."

"the easiest way to distinguish between their/there/they're is to remember that they are all different words"

"Her: OMG you're alive!!! I heard you bought the farm! ME: No no, I bought ""a"" farm. HER: but I told everyone you're dead! ME: That's fine"

"Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray."

"I'm starting a career by putting bombs in prayer mats I think prophets will go through the roof"

"While climbing barefoot up mountains to meditate, Ghandi would squeeze garlic into his mouth to deal with hunger pains from fasting super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis"