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Joke of the Day

"ISIS commander to troops ISIS commander: Do you guys know what the leading cause of goat rape is? Troops: No, what? ISIS commander: Sexy Goats ;)"

"*sticks switchblade into bag of NES cartridges, licks tip of knife, nods to boss* It's good."

"A man on his death bed smells cookies, gets up and walks into his kitchen. He asks his wife if he can have a cookie. The wife tells him to get out of here, those are for the wake"

"Oh please! Merkel: ""Alexis, I don't think you Greeks understand the seriousness of your debt situation..."" Tsipras: ""Oh please....you really should give us a bit more credit."""

"You can tell a lot about a person by their car.... For example, if it's in a ditch, it's a woman."

"Who is the coolest guy in the hospital? The Ultrasound guy."

"What PC does Adele use? A Dell."

"What do you call a fat, Italian-American ghost? A gabaGHOUL!!"

"My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I'm done."

"How many Ellen Paos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. The mods do that for her."