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Joke of the Day

"""Why is there a jar of pickles in the bathroom?"" ""I like pickles."" ""Do you eat them when you're on the toilet?"" ""Ewww! EAT them?! Gross!"""

"You should ask her if she gained weight. That way she knows you're paying attention to her."

"Great news for the Texas Rangers baseball players Now that Ron Washington is no longer the manager, they are putting coke back in the vending machines"

"I just read a Facebook ad that said ""Come in a designer, leave a CEO."" Not sure why they're offering dating advice, but okay."

"What's a jew doing on a swing? Fucking with the german snipers"

"Give a man a fish... Give a man a fish and he'll throw it out and go to McDonald's. Teach a man to fish, and nope, still McDonald's."

"According to a new report from BP, the earth will run out of oil in 53 years. Luckily, thanks to BP, the ocean will still have plenty..."

"""Hello?"" Dad come get me from practice ""Sorry I'm going into a tunnel"" *sound of mom giggling* But I called the *connection drops* ...landline"

"Sometimes I dance on my bed half naked & sing into my hairbrush.... and other days... I take my medication."

"Why did the Hobbit put his phone on silent? Because he was bored of the rings!"