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Joke of the Day
"You should ask her if she gained weight. That way she knows you're paying attention to her."
Next Joke
"What's the different between a pilot and a pepperoni pizza? I give a shit when my pizza is burnt."
"What's the difference between a washing machine and your mom? The last time I dumped a load into the washing machine, she didn't follow me around for a week!"
"I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not? "
"Dylann Roof was just sentenced to death.... Needless to say he was FLOORED by the news."
"Little known fact: a penguin's head can rotate 390 degrees. Once."
"A Brow Beating I told my girlfriend that it looked like she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"Why doesn't people with two dicks get into the porn industry? Because they know they'll be fucked over. Edit: Don't, not doesn't. Sorry can't change title."
"Me: For my 1st wish I want a box of Triscuits Genie:Are u sure? U can buy them at any store Me:My 2nd wish is for u to mind ur own business"
"I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile."