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Joke of the Day

"*attempts seductive selfie in bed *drops phone on face *chips tooth"

"Why do we have to sit at red lights if nobody's coming the other way? We don't have to pay our taxes if nobody's checking, right?"

"What do you call a poo which still remains after flushing? An **UFO** - **U**nflushable **F**loating **O**bject"

"Based on the reaction of the pharmacist who just sold me cold pills, I need to work on my ""I'm not going to make meth with these"" smile."

"I got a $400 ticket for playing pokemon GO in the car today. Most expensive in-app purchases EVER."

"Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly."

"A horse walks into a bar... ...the trainer says, ""next time, jump""."

"I climbed on this seesaw with Rick Astley 3 hours ago. *sigh He's never gonna let me down."

"Why did the Mexican food go to counseling? It wanted to taco bout his feelings"

"My son feels about broccoli the way I feel about having to make a phone call."