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Joke of the Day

"*attempts seductive selfie in bed *drops phone on face *chips tooth"

"A magic tractor went down a dirt road And turned into a field."

"Leo and Matt Damon are talking..... Leo:wanna hear a joke? Matt: sure Leo:OSCAR! Matt: i did'nt get it Leo:EXACTLY"

"What is the difference between roast beef and pee soup? You can roast beef."

"Where does almond and cashew milk come from? Crazy cows. They have to be nuts."

"Treating women is like how you treat Pokemon found in the Safari Zone If you don't feed them and hit them with rocks with the exact right combination, they run away."

"Come on, there has got to be at least one business like show business."

"How do you know a drummer is at your door? The knock speeds up."

"Him: So whattayou wanna do? Her: I dunno Him: So...You wanna play video games? Her: No! Him: So...You wanna watch me play video games?"

"What do you call a turtle with a hard on? A tank!!!! PEW PEW PEW!!"