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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a poo which still remains after flushing? An **UFO** - **U**nflushable **F**loating **O**bject"

"I dropped a piece of cheese on the airplane and i know it rolled forward and some piece of shit in first class is enjoying it now"

"How are eating a girl out and working for the CIA similar? One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit. (Thanks to u/Gary_III for pointing out the mistake last time"

"I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be ""saved"" or you'll ""burn""... Stupid Firemen. [x-post /r/Christianity]"

"Hate shaving? Cut some time out of your morning routine by leaping into the ocean and letting the tide drag you to a watery demise instead."

"What's the difference between a poodle humping your leg and a pit bull humping your leg? You let the pit bull finish."

"Men go to bars for 2 reasons: 1) They don't have a wife to go home to. 2) They have a wife to go home to."

"How many mexicans does it take to replace a lightbulb? Juan."

"Some guy who wasn't looking where he was going hit me with a stick today So I beat the shit out of him. And for good measure kicked his Labrador too."

"8 letter word for the somewhat-outdated practice by male prisoners of giving their female co-criminals first pick at the bootleg weapons? Shivalry."