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Joke of the Day

"Good ice-breaker How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice I'm.."

"I just ate wood chips covered in lead-based paint... Hopefully I'll ""number 2"" a pencil."

"I heard Mexicans are pretty good at boxing Strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, tomatoes."

"It would be nice if for once i got a thank you... ...when I serve breakfast in bed instead of ""who are you"" and ""how did you get in here""."

"Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00"

"If I ever have a son... I'm going to name him Bashun. And whenever our butler is unable to find him in the house he'll call out at the top of his voice, ""Master Bashun! Master Bashun where are you?"""

"I'm thinking of something really stupid to tweet -all of us all the time"

"Just heard someone screaming outside and my instinct was to turn up the TV. Whatever the opposite of a superhero is, I'm that."

"My SO and I recently decided we don't want to have kids... I think the kids are taking it the hardest"

"What's the difference between a Greyhound terminal in New Jersey and a voluptuous lobster? One's a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean"