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Joke of the Day

"I just ate wood chips covered in lead-based paint... Hopefully I'll ""number 2"" a pencil."

"[NSFW] What did Olive Oyl say to Popeye on their wedding night? ""No fisting."""

"Whoever said nothing good comes easy Never had a premature ejaculation."

"I talk a lot of shit for someone who still uses their fingers to count."

"Parent pro tip: Beware of the child who cleans their room without being prompted. They are about to ask to borrow money."

"I got free pancakes on International Pancake Day. International Women's Day is now almost over and I think I like pancake day better."

"*pops the hood* ""Looks like the timing nut is gone on yer muffler belt"" .. Umm r u sure you work here? *lifts eye brow, moustache falls off*"

"Did you hear about the pornstar who had a heart attack whilst filming? He had it coming."

"Women's genitals are a lot like a shed roof If you don't nail it hard enough it will end up next door"

"""Y dnt u Muslims tell ISIS to stop"" Ok hold up *pulls out iphone* ""Yo ISIS habibi,its me plz stop"" ISIS:""ok habibi sorry,shisha tonight?"""