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Joke of the Day

"Kim Kardashian just had a miscarriage... Her next show is going to be called 'Mopping Up After A Kardashian'"

"When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing... ...either the car is new or the wife is."

"[dinner at brother's house] ""So where are the kids?"" Brother: I grounded them. *spits out meatloaf*"

"Why didn't the cashier get the punchline? It didn't register."

"Hey Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the sperm bank? He was caught drinking on the job."

"People are like, ""How cute! Your dog looks just like you!"" I'm like, ""That's my son."""

"What did the cell say to his sister who stepped on his toe? Mitosis!"

"How do you eat soup with chop sticks? Slowly."

"Scarface didn't really give those guys enough time to say ""hello"" before shooting them."

"What do you call a communist sniper Marxman"