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Joke of the Day

"When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing... ...either the car is new or the wife is."

"Did you know there's actually 4 scientific bonds? * Ionic Bond * Metallic Bond * Covalent Bond * James Bond"

"[at dinner] Wife: This is terrible. Me: Horrible. Waiter: Hey folks, how's your food? (simultaneously) Wife: Amazing! Me: Fantastic!"

"What kind of pants does Mario wear? Denim denim denim...."

"Did you guys hear about the Trump winery? It's only whites."

"OCD My little cousin has been diagnosed with an unusual case of OCD where all he does all day is organise dinner plates by the year they were made, It's an extremely rare dish-order........"

"Funny how people get all angry when you break something of their's that they don't ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat."

"What online image hosting service do puppies use to post their puppy pictures? Imgrrrrrrr"

"99.9% of people are idiots. Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people"

"Agitated I encountered a very nervous flea He said he gets his sleep in snatches."