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Joke of the Day

"My tombstone will read: If You Don't Know Me By Now, You Will Never Ever Ever Know Me."

"My grandfather was a baker in the army... ...he went in all buns glazing."

"Whoa there, pregnancy test. You just tell us yes or no and we'll decide if it's positive or negative."

"stay safe this international men's day. make sure your man is at least 165 degrees in the center"

"What do a rubix cube and a penis have in common? The longer you play with it, the harder it gets."

"Never Fall in love with a Heroin addict because even though they have a lot of love to give. It's all in Vein"

"I used to get sad when the leaves fell from the trees... But then they always grew back, so that was a releaf."

"Where do you eat toaster waffles on the beach? San Diego!!"

"[as i'm getting buried alive by a serial killer] wait stop who's gonna feed my tamagotchis"

"Woman walks around claiming to be a flute. Says that you can blow in her hole and press her buttons for $50!"