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Joke of the Day

"Don't make fun of a fat man with a lisp. He is probably thick and tired of it"

"My friend told me to stop acting like a flamingo I just had to put my foot down."

"So a proctologist is examining a patient. He pulls an anal thermometer out of his coat to make some notes. Looks at it and says ""Damnit some asshole has my pen!"""

"911: 911, what seems to be the emergency? Me: My nephew just hit the wall while running 911: Haha Me: Haha 911: Ok paramedics are on the way"

"If a road runs parallel to a river, there's probably a bridge nearby. No reason to cross five lanes of traffic, Frogger, you dumbshit."

"*crawls out of your television and tries to kill you* I'm not like other girls."

"Yes, I absolutely want to hear about your cat's medication."

"Q: Why was the belt thrown in jail? A: He held up a pair of pants."

"Fred came home from his first day at school. ""Nothing exciting happened"" he told his mother ""Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her"""

"So the waiter said ""The plate is hot"" and I said ""I'll be the judge of that, haha."" Anyhoo, I met a lot of nice people at the burn center."