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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed-wire fence? Utter destruction!"

"6 months ago my doctor gave me 6 months to live. But when I couldn't pay my bill today, he decided to give me another 6 months."

"""It's ok. This is normal for her."" - How my friends explain me to others."

"Some scientists believe the ability to create language was because we ate so much meat as primates. That's why vegans can only say ""i'm vegan""."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It may take me a while to get hard, I got laid last night."

"How do you find the fastest man in Africa? Roll a penny down a hill."

"Today there was a band-aid on my plate, a bat flew in the house, & a bee stung me. Today was brought to me by the letter B."

"So a fisherman is having an argument with a stain on his shirt.. And the stain says ""I'm fish jizz, thank you."" And the fisherman replies ""No, you're whale-cum"""

"ME: you don't look anything like your profile photo TINDER DATE: LOL no, that's my pug, Arthur *silence for 10mins* ME: is Arthur coming or"

"Why did Cruz pick Carly Fiorina as his running mate? To lay off his campaign staff."