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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between being hungry and horny? Where you put the cucumber"

"What does a moped and a fat lady have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one."

"If Kristen Stewart played the daughter in Taken, Liam Neeson would probably just let the bad guys have her."

"Why are Helium, Curium and Barium called the medical elements? Because if you can't Helium or Curium, you Barium. (Heard it from Heimerdinger, League of Legends)"

"You can pretend you're a ghost at pottery barn, there's no laws against that"

"I will read that article on how procrastination can kill me As soon as I get around to it."

"It seems kid of arbitrary that people want their skin to be tan and their teeth to be white. In Opposite Land, I must be a fuckin' hottie."

"I just want to apologize to all the guys I dated BEFORE I started using Prozac. And to their wives. And their local fire departments."

"Want to hear a sports joke? Lance Armstrong"

"Why is a miscarriage like a shitty pizza? They're both cold upon delivery."